So you know :
I'm a bit quiet because it was decided that I'm going to move out !
A lot happened these last two weeks and now I packing nine years of my life to move back in my childhood hometown, 250km away from the big city where I lived for now.
As I'm bad at handling changes, this one is nerve wrecking.
My family found me a lil' city house with a garden for a cheap price and I will receve their help as I really need it right now.
I also so happy to not be far away anymore from them and more importantly from my grandma who I couldn't see much these past years.
I hope it helps me get back on track and reduce my fear for my own future a bit.
It's little vent time !
I'm quiet again haaa...
I'm a situation where I'm finally realising how my life is crumbling around me and I don't knwo what to do, I feel helpless.
Everything is too much right now.
I planned that 2020 was the year I finally could start my business and gain some money and have my life less precarious.
I did not realise so many issues until now. Last december I got a diagnosis for some of my mental issues and I did not realise it was a handicap in my life but also that I can't really work a "normal" job.
I'm so precarious that I desparatly need money so I should run and get watever job I can. But it would mean getting more and more sick and burn out and... I don't want to go back there (I'm still in it, it's just less vicious than before)
Getting known on the internet is hard, getting people to want to commission you is hard.
As for my health, for now I also need money to pay for therapy and that not possible right now easer.
I live in a place that got my health worse, I want to move out sooo badly but with my precarious situation, with no money and job, landlords don't want me.
And cherry on top of the cake, my landlord is selling where I live so the next one will possibly kick me out.
So much fun this year !
My family is worried sick, and I too since I don't know what to do anymore. They ask questions to which I don't have answers.
I'm tired. I will keep going, I just want some answers for once, or just that things can unlock a bit.
In that society, when you are poor, sick or both it's so hard to get back up, have a stable life. And I say that while I live in a country that help a bit anyway on some aspect.
It's that time again where tendinitis come back to say hi on both of my thumb... So I can't really draw for now (even typing is hard haaa)
I'll try to find some old stuff or skechbook thing to post here.
If you have other cool ideas of what you want to see or what I could do here do not hesitate to tell me, I'm curious :)
On another quick note, this week was really hard to go through.
My bank account went on the red again (thanks past me for still having some savings)
Then we got a pretty hard heatwave where one of my cat got health issues so I had to wait a day to go to the vet in the morning so he won't die in my burning car.
Turns out he had an asthma crisis, something not to strong but with the heat in my appartment, having him cough and seeing him breathing reallyyy hard was a nighmare.
He is ok now, but a crisis can come anytime and it's quite stressing when there is one (But now I have meds to give him so he should be fine ;w;)
Now I have to got groceries shopping but I'm reluctant because it cost money and the vet was not free (though my vet is the best 'cause she always try to make me pay for the least amount, giving me reductions or making some stuff free. I suspect for this time that I did not pay for the meds because she told me "With the Xray you'll have to pay that price" but said nothing about the meds ? Anyway she's great TT-T)
Strangely, I like this website more and more. Idk I feel like it's more "calm", maybe safer here.
I could also say that having my art being seen for once feels great too !
Now I just want to learn how to interact with others. That's something really overwhelming IRL for me, but online too. And when I eventualy end up not responding for days or just not being able to know how to keep conversations going, it's a bit downhearting.
I want to meet new people, make friends again and have fun with them, try to stay in a positive mindset with them, share dumb stuff etc...
@coffee I hope you are still ok, even if things are not ideal rn ! And thank you for your answer :) It was really heartwarming to read !
I fortunaly ask for help sometimes haha ! My friends are really supporting even if they all struggle a lot and as for my family, well it's family so they have a hard time understanding that I'm doing my best (and that I'm, in fact, sick since they can't "see" it) Also, I once asked for money to one of my uncle and wow it was SO hard to do. It was supposed to be used for the shop I was creating but covid unfortunately kick out my plans.
Taking break is a good advice too yes ! Even if when I do it the guilt of not doing anything is hard to ignore, I've learn over time that it's a necessity against burn out :)
Also, fortunately I really like what I'm currently doing, doing illustrations and drawing other people OCs so I feel like the burn out that uni gave me is starting to fade off, which is sooo great !
Now, since you gave me such a sweet support comment and advices I want to give you one too ! And that will be to try and stay positive even when the situation is not that good. Even if you maybe feel trapped, trying to find just a little something positive can change a lot of thing and appease a bit of the stuggle !
Also, even if it's silly to say, I support you ! Whatever the path you choose to engage in :)